I think about you sometimes. Sometimes I think about you, the one I never came to know. I wonder what you are like, despite making up some arbitrary view of you as a result of your own actions. Your absence has made it hard to comprehend. You remain a mental gap in my everyday living. Until we meet, if ever fate sets up such a date, you will forever just stay an elusive concept.
I ask myself whether these circumstances that have brought us to this absence from one another’s life is a result of your actions, mom’s decisions, and my dubious reluctance to your – both you and her’s – affairs that brought us to where we, together aren’t?
If you should know, I have always been inquisitive, always pondering… Mostly on whether you do too. I further ask myself whether, regardless of your actions, her decisions and my dubious reluctance, if fate has clamped its claws down on us, and we are just passive beings to its strength… At least, this is what I make myself believe. Ignorance is bliss, they say, right? It makes it easier this way, you know. Takes some of the resentment I have towards you and your absence away.
Despite this all, I no longer have anger. I no longer have a yearning to curb my curiosity over you. Because as sad as it might sound: if you were present, my life would have, with certainty I say, not have been as beautiful as it it.
So thank you mom, for walking away from the love of your life, because he hurt you. You are a strong woman, and have managed to raise a Trojan daughter. Father, elusive one, thank you for your absence, because it taught me that you let things, and people go… because we need, and deserve those who can stay.