You ask yourself how they can be so heartless. I mean after all the things that you go through, after all the things you get into…
My angle is no longer to question, or wonder, or even remotely try to figure things out. Because some things happen as a result of the other’s character reflection, not your own. I always say ‘let lovers be lessons’, because each lesson learnt, with any relationship that ends, is a rough path to travel on. But you know what the beauty is, is that ‘paths made too smooth leave the feet unprepared for rough roads’. Take from the hurts inflicted on you by others in life. I try now to just remember the beautiful memories I have, and it ends there with my thoughts on him…
‘Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day there’ll be no remnants
No trace, no residual feelings within ya
One day you won’t remember me
I will not see what I cannot have forever
I’ll always love ya, I hope you feel the same
You played me dirty, your game was so bad
You toyed with my affliction
Had to fill out my prescription
Found the remedy, but you set me free’
– Pretty Wings, by Maxwell
Because after someone tells you the things laid out here below, as I was told some time ago by the one who ended our relationship, I reckon you inevitably change as a person. You turn your disheartening disposition into success, distraction and soon, soon you become your own person again, you become an even better person than who you were before you met them… and you realize you have learnt the lesson from them, and the beautiful desire to move one, exceeds your desire to hold on.
words from the one who walked away:
I am so sorry for the hurt that this has all caused, the feeling is mutual and by no means an easy one to deal with.
When we do see each other, we will have a restart to the friendship, and I have no doubt that the conversations will be as rich as they use to be. By selecting the richest color, I am sure the artwork will look great.
I took the step out of the relationship due to the feelings of insecurity, something unsure developed and it kept forming one way or another. It made me feel uneasy and rather strange. Reflecting on it and being in the program I am in now, I am sure it was for the best. You asked about my time and priorities last year, it will be hard for me to find a balance, i must be honest.
I need you to understand that I left the relationship because I did not want it. For me, being in another city, let alone country was hard. We shared a conversation and it felt like we were over but we tried, and we tried again.
We tried again when I was abroad but I felt that there was nothing and forced. It somehow decayed and left a strange feeling. That feeling, for me, was not what I wanted and I felt that it could not be changed, we are two different people. I have said many things, and so have you. I always said that in a specific moment I felt like it could be forever. In this moment and back then I just don’t see that.
I respect you and always will. This is not a show or a performance. Any breakup will always play negatively on both parties and bring about confusion and puzzling complications. I do not hate you, nor am I simply done, this is a matter of expectations not aligning. I don’t use people either, never a lover as a principle. I cannot hate you. I won’t hate you, and never will I refer to you a negative matter.
I am sorry. Really sorry that this ended the way it did.
We can paint this picture but there will always be colors missing, and that’s the problem. Using the best ones leaves something behind.
Again, this was not a show, performance or a show ego or something to mess you around with. You know me better than that, well I hope you do. I know I cannot mend your heart, or bring back what was. Again, apologies or any form of wording will not help, but I know that with time you heal and get stronger.
I will always be your friend.
I will always be here for you.
Refer to the post ‘Bridges Burn. Tables Turn. You live and Learn’ for what my responses to the words were. https://splendidsolitaire.wordpress.com/2014/03/10/e-mail-from-a-broken-heart/