They were never a match to the relationship you tried to create.

Thank those who have left; thank them for being a catalyst that came along to gift you with the ability to sharpen who you really are. Those that leave your life were a catalyst in the creation of who you are and what you want (and don’t want), and who you ever evolve to be.

There is somehting so much bigger in the future than anything you ever left behind.

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Let it go.

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If I could have it my way

If I could have it my way…

Waking up would be like this

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If I could have it my way…

Mornings would look like this

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If I could have it my way…

I would dress like this everyday

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If I could have it my way…

My days would consist of baking, drinking wine, tea and coffee, visiting art galleries and markets & reading

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If I could have it my way…

My nights would consist of dancing, dining and dates

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If I could have it my way…

Things would never be the same again.

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Messages from chance.

You: You get to have beauty, brains and incomparable charm. It’s a wonder my self esteem isn’t worse around you. You are light. I actually wanted to dedicate my latest work to you – its a work in progress that i’m writing but I realized that its you, it’s all for you.

Me: I love you dearly. Those words are part of what makes up the reason for my ‘light’. Because i know, and realize the beauty I have around me.

You: Anje, you are everything.

And my heart melts…

We all live for these tiny, seemingly insignificant conversations that create within us the ‘unbearable lightness of being’ they talk about. Keep heart and dispel in all sorrows and fears, because one day they will all be turned into joys, I am slowly seeing before me how this is happening – and conversations like these are chances that create it.

 

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Because, you’re worth it.

I have this friend, a beautiful soul. But as us all, she has a few things she protects inside. Across all spectrum’s of live; the rocky journey she has traveled on to be where she is at now, the insecurities she wrestles in acquitting her ambitions with… you know, the normal things us 20 somethings battle with. She tells me: “That goes for you too ey, I don’t want you sitting there thinking that you’re not worth loving.” – This as a result of advice I was giving her on ‘why this man is no good for you.’  Needles to say her response had me thinking… Felt like I had Kanye West singing his Bound 2 ‘I know you’re tired of loving with nobody to love’ on a loop…

My response?

 No, see, I have never thought that I was not worth loving. It is just a temporary sadness to realize from time to time, that each time I was loved, it was not irrevocably.. But my strength comes from knowing that it was never as a result of my own character.

That’s the only part how hurt has come from love – that we love the wrong one’s…

You have to believe you are worth loving, because you, beautiful, are…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_qEkxeW42w

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The coldest story ever told.

You ask yourself how they can be so heartless. I mean after all the things that you go through, after all the things you get into…

My angle is no longer to question, or wonder, or even remotely try to figure things out. Because some things happen as a result of the other’s character reflection, not your own. I always say ‘let lovers be lessons’, because each lesson learnt, with any relationship that ends, is a rough path to travel on. But you know what the beauty is, is that ‘paths made too smooth leave the feet unprepared for rough roads’. Take from the hurts inflicted on you by others in life. I try now to just remember the beautiful memories I have, and it ends there with my thoughts on him…

‘Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day there’ll be no remnants
No trace, no residual feelings within ya
One day you won’t remember me

I will not see what I cannot have forever
I’ll always love ya, I hope you feel the same

You played me dirty, your game was so bad
You toyed with my affliction
Had to fill out my prescription
Found the remedy, but you set me free’

– Pretty Wings, by Maxwell

Because after someone tells you the things laid out here below, as I was told some time ago by the one who ended our relationship, I reckon you inevitably change as a person. You turn your disheartening disposition into success, distraction and soon, soon you become your own person again, you become an even better person than who you were before you met them… and you realize you have learnt the lesson from them, and the beautiful desire to move one, exceeds your desire to hold on.


words from the one who walked away:

I am so sorry for the hurt that this has all caused, the feeling is mutual and by no means an easy one to deal with.
When we do see each other, we will have a restart to the friendship, and I have no doubt that the conversations will be as rich as they use to be. By selecting the richest color, I am sure the artwork will look great.
I took the step out of the relationship due to the feelings of insecurity, something unsure developed and it kept forming one way or another. It made me feel uneasy and rather strange. Reflecting on it and being in the program I am in now, I am sure it was for the best. You asked about my time and priorities last year, it will be hard for me to find a balance, i must be honest.

I need you to understand that I left the relationship because I did not want it. For me, being in another city, let alone country was hard. We shared a conversation and it felt like we were over but we tried, and we tried again.
We tried again when I was abroad but I felt that there was nothing and forced. It somehow decayed and left a strange feeling. That feeling, for me, was not what I wanted and I felt that it could not be changed, we are two different people. I have said many things, and so have you. I always said that in a specific moment I felt like it could be forever. In this moment and back then I just don’t see that.
I respect you and always will. This is not a show or a performance. Any breakup will always play negatively on both parties and bring about confusion and puzzling complications. I do not hate you, nor am I simply done, this is a matter of expectations not aligning. I don’t use people either, never a lover as a principle. I cannot hate you. I won’t hate you, and never will I refer to you a negative matter.
I am sorry. Really sorry that this ended the way it did.
We can paint this picture but there will always be colors missing, and that’s the problem. Using the best ones leaves something behind.
Again, this was not a show, performance or a show ego or something to mess you around with. You know me better than that, well I hope you do. I know I cannot mend your heart, or bring back what was. Again, apologies or any form of wording will not help, but I know that with time you heal and get stronger.

I will always be your friend.
I will always be here for you.

 

Refer to the post ‘Bridges Burn. Tables Turn. You live and Learn’ for what my responses to the words were. https://splendidsolitaire.wordpress.com/2014/03/10/e-mail-from-a-broken-heart/

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